In John I Trust…

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Long, long overdue, we have finally dotted the i’s and crossed the t’s on all those pesky documents that grown ups are supposed to have – wills, and trusts, and so forth. And while I was in the process of doing this, someone actually raised the same topic on a bulletin board I follow, mentioning how satisfying it was to know it was done. I agree!!

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That said, addressing health care directives, living wills and, ultimately, what I want in terms of end of life treatment wasn’t exactly easy. Cathartic, important – to be sure. But going through dozens and dozens of scenarios of various forms of incapacitation, and what I might want so as to give others a sense of what I might want at the end of my life wasn’t without its emotional pitfalls. There were afternoons when I would just cry – happy to excise the tension, but deeply sad and resentful that I had to think about it at all. I get why so many people just put their head in the sand! (PS My quick internet search didn’t find any women engaging in such behavior – just sayin’.)

In the end it is the realization that no matter how many tales I spin, out, no matter how many scenarios I come up with, it’s not likely to go that way. Whatever happens at the end of my life, all I can do is to share my priorities and beliefs, and count on others to feel good about carrying out my wishes, even if they don’t match theirs; to count on others to let me go even when they are not prepared to say goodbye.

As things stand today, I’m guessing that falls to my husband. We have been together since we were just about a year older than our son, from the tender age of 18. We have weathered storms and celebrated milestones. We have loved; we have angered; we have built a wonderful life and a loving family; we have trusted and we have had faith in ourselves and each other through more than three decades of ups and downs. Just thinking about an end to that, under any circumstances, is heartbreaking, but there is no one I’d rather lean on – in sickness and in health.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jbaird
    Oct 10, 2015 @ 15:27:57

    What a beautiful post! I hope you have many more years to go before you are called home. We would love to have it go on forever, but unfortunately we can’t. Glad you have a loving relationship. xxx

    Reply

  2. Anonymous
    Oct 12, 2015 @ 10:53:46

    This was a wonderful post! Absolute truth! We just did the same (my husband and I) it is so hard to think about and talk about but I think we both felt better having it done. Thank you for sharing this.

    Reply

  3. The Accidental Amazon
    Oct 23, 2015 @ 13:05:50

    I am so glad to see you write a post about this, Lori. It’s a subject I’ve touched on myself in a few previous posts, and it’s something that we discuss with patients in homecare. Most of us don’t want to think about it, but, yes, it is a very generous thing to do for those we love. It makes such a huge difference. I’ve seen what happens when people do not think through their plans and don’t dot the i’s, and it’s painful to see what families go through in that circumstance. Congrats to you. It’s such a feeling of relief for everyone when you’ve finished all this. Like Jan, I hope you have many years with John before your efforts are really needed.

    Reply

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