For the Love of Roller Coasters

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ImageI’m not a fan of roller coasters. I don’t watch scary movies. I don’t, in principle, understand why I would want to scare myself. I don’t find it thrilling. In fact, some of my finer parenting moments were when I, despite my fears, got in line for Splash Mountain or Space Mountain when Zach was young. Okay, I admit it was I was to ensure he couldn’t fall out thanks to my vice grip on his waist, but I did it. That’s what counts, right?

So imagine my surprise that, at 48, I have to learn to love roller coasters. Metaphorical ones, but nonetheless…

Because that’s the world of living with metastatic breast cancer. There are incredible days and there are awful ones, days when I am thrilled to be alive every moment and days when I can’t help but fear what’s next. Markers go up and they go down. Scans show growth, improvement or stability. There are days when every hint of pain has me worried about progression and pain-free days when cancer crosses my mind long enough to take my meds. And when I wake, I hardly ever know what kind of day it will be.

It’s not going to change, at least not for the foreseeable future, and save how I approach it, it’s pretty much out of my control. So, I think it’s time to leave my fears behind and learn to love roller coasters…

6 responses »

  1. If you figure out how to embrace it please do let me know. I have a hard time with this rollercoaster. Somehow I suspect mindfulness would be supportive of riding those waves.

  2. dear Lori,

    wishing you always a safe place to land if you feel like you are falling. you are so wise to embrace the high points of the rollercoaster you never chose to ride. just know if it’s scary or sad or makes you angry there’s a whole posse for you here to offer comfort, an ear, warm hugs and love. xoxo

    karen

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